i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
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