We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
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