Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
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