god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
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