You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
Randomize
