I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
Randomize
