Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Randomize
