Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
