So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
Randomize
