For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
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