Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
Then you guys just all showered together...?
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
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