i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
