Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
Randomize
