cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
Randomize
