no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
Randomize
