Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
