I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
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