can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
I can't put those talents on a resume
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Randomize
