from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
Randomize
