i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
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