Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
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