He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
