I CAN MOONWALK!
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
Randomize