Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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