Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize
