my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
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