Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
Randomize
