Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
Randomize
