HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Randomize
