Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
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