The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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