Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
You made out with two different species that night
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
Randomize
