Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
Randomize
