Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
Randomize
