my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
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