Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Randomize
