I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Randomize
