Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
Randomize
