I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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