Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
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