I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
Randomize
