Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
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