ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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