You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
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