i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
Randomize
