Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
