he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
Randomize