I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
Randomize
