It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
Randomize
