i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
I need a beard to bite.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Randomize
