you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
