I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
I will pee on everything he values.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Randomize
