I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
Randomize
