1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
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