I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
Randomize
