We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Randomize
