Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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