I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Randomize
