I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Randomize
