I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
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