is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
Randomize
