So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
Randomize
