The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Randomize
