the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
