the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
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