just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Randomize
