D3 body, D1 cock
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
there was a trapeze. enough said
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
