Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
Randomize
