I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
No...this little piggys going to the bar
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
Randomize
