Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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