Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
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