Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
