I just saw a hot homeless man
my soul wont recognize me after tonight
It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Randomize
