It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
Randomize
