piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
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